| (August 2009: A company under contract to the Pentagon was reportedly developing a robot which | |
| would run on an assortment of fuels, including"biomass". This was widely interpreted as including | |
| dead bodies. At the same time, Tesco's were attacked by a Vegan group for sending out-of-date | |
| meat to a bio-conversion plant.) | |
| (The pub again. Arthur is reading his paper. Gordon enters carrying two pints of beer.) | |
| Gordon | Sorry to be late. Took me ages to get through the protesters outside Tesco's. |
| Arthur | What are they protesting? |
| Gordon | Apparently Tesco's send all the meat that's passed its sell-by date, to an anaerobic digestion |
| plant. Cheers. | |
| (They drink.) | |
| Arthur | And what's that? |
| Gordon | A factory where millions of little microbes break it down and generate energy for the National |
| Grid. | |
| Arthur | Like an enormous stomach. |
| Gordon | Even bigger than Vanessa Feltz, yes. |
| Arthur | And these protesters don't like that? |
| Gordon | Well they're Vegans. So they don't approve of anyone eating meat -- even microbes. |
| Arthur | Well it's better than thousands of tons of rotting meat going to landfill |
| sites. | |
| Gordon | Do Tesco's do funerals, d'you think? |
| (Arthur consults his paper.) | |
| Arthur | It's interesting you should bring this up… |
| Gordon | Is it? |
| Arthur | Because the Americans are working on a new generation of robots for the Pentagon. One that |
| can roam on its own for months, without the need for refuelling. | |
| Gordon | Sorry… I just don't see the connection. |
| Arthur | Because it works on the same principle. Breaking down organic substances to produce |
| energy. | |
| Gordon | Right. This will be the latest, advanced technology… lasers… quantum computer control |
| and so on? | |
| Arthur | Not quite. They're steam powered. |
| Gordon | Didn't Jules Verne invent those? |
| Arthur | And not just steam -- it can use all the usual fuels as well. So when it runs out of oil… or coal… |
| it can forage. | |
| Gordon | What, for leaves and grass? And twigs. |
| Arthur | Anything that's alive. Or used to be alive. Like old furniture. |
| Gordon | You can't make it up, can you? |
| Arthur | It can even ingest -- dead bodies. |
| Gordon | Oh, you can make it up. |
| Arthur | And the American military are very excited about this. |
| Gordon | Leaping about, are they? |
| Arthur | Well they just happen to have a lot of dead bodies on their hands. |
| Gordon | The result of friendly fire and so on? |
| Arthur | Oh very friendly. Very friendly indeed. And now, of course, with these robots, there won't be |
| quite so much clearing up to do. | |
| Gordon | Nothing worse than dead bodies littering the place. |
| Arthur | Exactly. So once the American robotic drones have bombed the hell of of -- let's say -- an |
| Afghan wedding party -- | |
| Gordon | Or a school which gives refuge to six-year old terrorists. |
| Arthur | Once they've done that, there'll be plenty of dead bodies for these robots to feed on, and |
| re-energise. | |
| Gordon | Before they mop up the survivors. |
| Arthur | And of course, there'll be a tremendous labour saving, because the bodies won't need to be |
| be buried. | |
| Gordon | Less risk of disease… |
| Arthur | And what's more, politically correct, as it involves recycling on a scale never seen before. |
| Gordon | And renewable energy. |
| Arthur | You have to admire their ingenuity. |
| Gordon | So these robots are going to roam the battlefield, are they? |
| Arthur | It says so here. In the Daily Mail. So, obviously -- you know -- |
| Gordon | -- it must be true, yes… |
| (Another sip.) | |
| Gordon | How do they switch off, these robots? |
| Arthur | Switch off? |
| Gordon | If there's a sudden shortage of dead bodies. |
| Arthur | That's a point… |
| Gordon | By then, they'll have developed a taste for … you know … human blood. |
| Arthur | Robot vampires… |
| Gordon | I mean, they're not going to switch themselves off, are they? That would be robot suicide. |
| Arthur | You're right. They're going to want to refuel. |
| Gordon | Then they're going to start on us, aren't they? |
| Arthur | I'm sure the Americans have got it all in hand. |
| Gordon | It'll be the Night of the Living Dead, all over again. |
| Arthur | I mean, the Pentagon doesn't make mistakes. |
| Gordon | Yes… Iraq went so well, didn't it? |
| Arthur | I shudder to think what would happen if this ever fell into the wrong hands. |
| Gordon | Like Tesco's. |
| Arthur | Quite. Let's drink to America… a freedom-loving, democratic -- |
| Gordon | Highly civilised and morally responsible nation. |
| Arthur | Cheers. |
| Gordon | Cheers. |
| (They drink.) | |
| Gordon | When did they say Skynet goes active? |
| (The lights fade.) | |
| © Leonard Morley 2009 | |