| (An office. A clerk sits at a desk, writing. He is wearing an biblical-type robe. A notice on the | |
| desk proclaims "Benefit Claims". There are a dozen or so bags of gold in evidence.) | |
| (An applicant enters, wearing pure white robes, with long flowing hair, sandals, etc.) | |
| Clerk | Good eventide. Your name? |
| Jesus | Er -- Jesus of Nazareth. |
| Clerk | Jesus…. Of… Nazareth. Address? |
| Jesus | Um -- The Wilderness, Galilee. |
| Clerk | Uh -huh. Know your post-code? |
| Jesus | No… |
| Clerk | (Cheerfully) Not to worry. I'll look it up later. Date of birth….? |
| Jesus | Twenty-five, twelve, nought. |
| Clerk | Would that be AD or BC? |
| Jesus | Both I suppose. |
| Clerk | Fine. Now then, your occupation, Mr Jesus. |
| Jesus | Well… bit difficult that…. I was a carpenter, you see, but -- |
| Clerk | But it came to pass that you're unemployed. Nothing to be ashamed of. I was unemployed |
| myself once. | |
| Jesus | Really? |
| Clerk | Had a wonderful time. Hanging round the Job Centre all day, swapping dirty parables |
| with the others. Oh yes. So I'll put down "unemployed", shall I? | |
| Jesus | Look, just write down "Redeemer." |
| Clerk | Redeemer? |
| Jesus | That's it. |
| Clerk | Rightio. We -- er -- we don't see a lot of redeemers in here, these days. There isn't |
| the demand. Right! What sort of a grant would you be applying for? | |
| Jesus | What sorts are there? |
| Clerk | Oh goodness, there's all sorts. Trade-seekers allowance, of course, and then there's |
| family benefit, supplementary benefit, help with rent allowance and council tax, and | |
| loads more. Of course, none of them mention redeemers specifically, you understand, | |
| but I'm sure we'll squeeze you in somewhere. What sort of emoluments have you | |
| been receiving? | |
| Jesus | My what? |
| Clerk | Your emoluments, Mr Jesus. Your gross pay, less of course what you render to |
| Caesar. (A Pause.) What have you and your dependents been living on? | |
| Jesus | Living on? Well recently… we've all been living on two small loaves and five fishes. |
| Clerk | Two small loaves and -- my dear Mr Jesus, you should have come to us immediately. |
| How many dependents do you have? | |
| Jesus | Twelve. |
| Clerk | Twelve? |
| Jesus | Yea, verily. There's Peter and Matthew and Thomas and James -- |
| Clerk | And you've all lived on two small loaves and five fishes? |
| Jesus | Us and about five thousand others. |
| Clerk | Five thou -- you must all be starving. It's a miracle. Here -- take it -- take all the |
| money. I've never come across such hardship in all my life. | |
| (He pushes all the sacks of gold over to Jesus, who takes them and departs.) | |
| Clerk | Head Office will never believe a word of it. They'll crucify me. |
| (Lights down.) | |
| © Leonard Morley 2009 |