| A slightly tipsy actress stands at the theatre bar, |
| pink with drink, and green with envy. |
| Oh there you are sweetie, |
| I knew you'd drop in. |
| No really, I couldn't... |
| Well maybe a gin? |
| I'm watching the show from the bar for tonight. |
| I know that it's awful -- it isn't polite. |
| Believe it or not, I'm a teensy bit tight. |
| You see, it should have been me. |
| When Simon auditioned |
| I hadn't a chance. |
| Vanessa appeared |
| In a pair of tight pants. |
| And Simon -- who isn't renowned for his mind -- |
| Had both eyeballs fastened upon her behind. |
| It's odd when you think how he's really inclined! |
| It should -- it should have been me. |
| Vanessa's a treasure -- |
| I wish her success. |
| Her timing is perfect, |
| (Her hair is a mess.) |
| Now keep what I'm telling you under your hat, |
| But apart from the padding, she's perfectly flat. |
| So obviously Simon prefers them like that. |
| Oh Lord, it should have been me. |
| Now darling, you know |
| I'm the last to complain. |
| (Oh yes, if you're certain, |
| The same thing again.) |
| But as I remarked to Claudette in the loo, |
| Either of us could have had the part too, |
| If we'd done for Simon what she had to do! |
| Oh Hell! It should have been me. |
| So how's the show going? |
| I'm eager for news. |
| You're joking. She can't |
| Have been greeted with boos? |
| When the curtain went up she forgot every line? |
| And a man in the gallery made a rude sign? |
| How awful! How ghastly! How simply divine! |
| I told you, it should have been me. |
| She's breaking her heart |
| At the side of the stage? |
| My darling, I'm simply |
| Candescant with rage. |
| Oh poor old Vanessa, I'll fly to her side. |
| At least she has one friend in whom to confide. |
| But how in the world am I going to hide |
| That I'm glad... |
| So-o-o glad... |
| It's not me! |
| © Leonard Morley 2009 |