| A frightfully keen lady in a leotard bounces onto the stage, |
| and addresses the audience -- with actions. Can be played by a man. |
| I'm a keep-fit lady |
| And I spend one night a week |
| Fighting flab and finding fitness |
| Keep muscles at their peak. |
| When they pass around the After-Eights |
| I never do indulge. |
| For I want to win the battle -- |
| The battle of the bulge. |
| And it's knees bend! Arms stretch! |
| Roll upon the floor! |
| And I've never ever felt I was |
| So fighting fit before. |
| I'm a keep-fit lady. |
| And I love my exercise, |
| Reducing the diameter |
| Of tummy, hips and thighs. |
| A year ago I looked a mess -- |
| I measured one yard wide. |
| The rolls of fat just hung there, |
| And my living bra had died. |
| Now it's touch toes! And up again! |
| Repeat until you're sore. |
| And I've never ever felt I was |
| So fighting fit before. |
| I'm a keep-fit lady |
| I'm an athlete through and through. |
| With not a muscle left untoned, |
| There's nothing I can't do. |
| At bedtime I'm insatiable. |
| "Tallyho! and clear the decks!" |
| For I'm absolutely agile |
| When it comes to S-E-X! |
| For it's touch toes! And up again! |
| And holler out for more. |
| And I've never ever felt I was |
| So fighting fit before. |
| I'm a keep-fit lady. |
| And I think I'm overdue. |
| I'm busy knitting baby clothes |
| And eating food for two. |
| With the sickness and the backache, |
| My figure's looking grim; |
| But I have to do my exercise |
| To keep my shape in trim. |
| So it's knees bend! Arms stretch! |
| Till every muscle's sore. |
| And I've never ever felt I was |
| So fighting fit before. |
| Yes it's sideways bend, and touch the toes, |
| And never mind the risk. |
| And -- Carol, could you come and help? |
| I think I've slipped a disc! |
| © Leonard Morley 2009 |