| Another song for an embittered actress. Sadly, |
| I never got round to writing the music. |
| In private conversation |
| I'm a singular sensation, |
| My repartee is equal to the best. |
| While Susie has a stammer |
| And not the slightest glamour, |
| She's repulsive, she's repugnant, she's repressed. |
| Wit and personality -- I got 'em. |
| But when the show is cast, I come out -- bottom! |
| Why... am I always... the bit part? |
| And Susie's the star of the show? |
| Every role that she plays brings a fresh accolade, |
| While I'm always cast in the role of her maid. |
| It's not that I'm jealous -- |
| The woman's a friend. |
| What she has that I don't |
| I don't comprehend. |
| I start out in front |
| And I end -- at the end! |
| And Susie's the star of the show. |
| Why... am I always... a walk-on? |
| While Susie's the talk of the town? |
| Her voice is like gravel, her hair is a mess, |
| She's awful in trousers and worse in a dress. |
| What quality is it |
| That makes her a star? |
| She's simply possessed of |
| A je-ne-sais-quoi. |
| For she plays the lead while |
| I'm cast as the char! |
| And Susie's the star of the show. |
| Why... am I always... an extra. |
| And Susie's got fortune and fame? |
| She's first in the race, I'm a mere also-ran. |
| She's chock-full of talent, I'm full of chagrin. |
| I've got to do something, |
| It's driving me nuts. |
| Don't tell me I'm crazy, |
| Don't but me no buts. |
| For Susie's my best friend -- |
| And I hate her guts! |
| 'Cos Susie's the star of the show! |
| © Leonard Morley 2009 |